A tale of Sky

A Sky with no limit

For generations my family has passed on their faith.  Because of that, I had the amazing blessing of growing up in a Christian home as a kid.  My family attended the Church of Christ for a few years when I was little.  I don’t remember very much about going there because I was so small.  About the only thing that I do remember is the playroom.  Because of some things that happened within the body, several families left and mine was one of them.  We then went to Community Bible Church (CBC) where I have grown up attending.

I remember getting a children’s bible when I was 6 or 7 years old with colorful pictures and big words so it was easy to read.  I learned all the bible stories by heart.  I think David and Goliath was my favorite story because of how God gave David true strength despite his size.  I wanted to be like David as a kid.  Maybe it was because of that desire that I made it through so much.  I attended bible class at CBC every Sunday until 6^th grade.  There are so many fun memories I have going to Sunday school.  I knew all the famous bible stories, I could answer all the questions right and I knew, or I thought I knew, that Jesus was my Savior.  I was about 9 years old when I “officially” accepted Christ into my heart.  One night, when I was attending a “Kid’s Church” ministry at my best friends church, I prayed the sinners prayer and I went home that night excited about what I had done.  I remember sharing that with my mother and her asking me what that meant to me.  I didn’t really know, but I remember all of a sudden feeling like I didn’t understand what I had done.

I was involved in a ministry called AWANA (Approved Workman Are Not Ashamed) growing up as well.  The main purpose of this ministry was memorizing and reciting bible verses.  There were several books that I went through every year.  Some years I did the verse book twice because I had gone through it so fast.  There are probably not many kids at a young age that grasp a true relationship with Jesus Christ, but I wish that I had been a little bit more focused on God’s word and not the candy I got for memorizing it.  I always felt I had a deeper understanding of God’s word then a lot of kids my age.  Whether that is true or not I don’t know.  During my last year of Awana when I was in 6^th grade I experienced a small desire for teaching God’s word.  I always wanted to be a leader and be the one teaching.  I felt like I ‘knew’ a lot and could teach others about God.   I did became an Awana leader and lead for 5 years.  It was during those few years, even up to last year, that I learned a lot about the responsibility of being a teacher of God’s word.

The summer before 7^th grade I was baptized.  After going to camp that summer I felt that being baptized was something that I needed to do in order to further my relationship with Christ.  I remember not understanding it fully, but knowing that I needed it.  My dad baptized my brother Jordan and I in the creek that runs by our house.  I remember crying when I saw my brother baptized.  I’m not sure why I was moved that way, but I think a small part of my heart grasped the amazing work that God was doing through baptism.  I know that taking communion was something that I thought made me feel grown up.  I knew what it meant, but it didn’t really sink in right away.  The more I took the Lord’s Supper the more I grasped it.  It was that year that I experienced the first step in a journey towards Christ that would take me from the deepest darkness to standing in His light praising Him with my whole heart.   I praise God for what He did and how even when I was a small scared 12 year old He was preparing me for more.

When I was 12 years old I became apart of the CBC youth group’s worship team.  My brother Jordan was the worship leader and was a huge inspiration to my drumming.  I started out with a hand drum, but after many days playing drums on pillow and books I moved to the drum set.  Over the next couple of years with the encouragement of Jordan and my pastor I became the CBC worship team drummer.  I was one of two drummers for a while before becoming the main drummer.  The opportunity of playing on Sunday mornings has helped me discover my passion for music and playing for the Lord.  Whether I’m drumming, playing the piano or praising Him in the car listening to music, I love the passion for music that God planted in my heart. I’m very thankful to my brother Jordan for having a role in that!  To this day I still drum for CBC and enjoy playing whenever I can.

The summer that I was 15 was a big experience.  I met a man named Scott McCendree during the teen session at camp.  He was the director the two weeks and it was through Him that God pulled me even closer to surrendering my heart.  During the first week I felt God lay it on my heart to lead a devotional.  This wasn’t any small thing… I was so anxious about it before even asking.  I asked Scott if I could lead a devotional and he was so excited about it.  He helped me find a topic and then I was left to write what I was going to say.  I asked my councilor and didn’t receive much help, so I spent well over 2 hours reading and reciting this page of words that I wanted to say.  That night when I got up to say what I had written something was different then all the times I had said it before.  I took out my notes and read the verse I was going to talk about and instead of reading the rest; I put my notes down and proceeded to say what was really on my heart.  Afterwards I cried really hard and didn’t know why.  Again it seemed as if my heart was grasping a hold of the reality of God’s love for me and yet I was still struggling to see that.  Scott’s encouragement changed my life!  He gave me a passion and a yearning to speak and to encourage those around me.  He died this past summer after a 7-year battle with cancer, and I’ll never forget the passion that he lived life with.  If I were asked who my hero was, it would be Scott (right after Jesus!).

Despite the amazing summer that I had, I soon found myself wondering into the darkness of Satan’s deceptions.   Being homeschooled through an online school I had to use the Internet a lot to do my school.  One day after I had finished my school I was watching some music videos when I came across some bad videos that weren’t about music at all.  Thus began my journey into pornography.  It started off not being very bad, but very quickly transformed into an addiction and allowing my eyes to feed on hundreds of pictures and videos.  In all that I also discovered the lustful actions that accompany porn.  After about 4 months of consuming my time with porn I had a dream that really convicted me of what I was doing.  I woke up the next day feeling spiritually dead and went on a walk out into the woods.  I walked across this log by our creak clutching a handful of sand and promised God that I would never look at porn again.  To this day I have been free of that horrible evil!  Praise God for that!  He revived my spirit and jump-started my heart again. Even though I was rid of porn though I continued with my other bad habit for quite a while.   It wasn’t until the next summer that I was convicted of how horrible what I was doing really was.  I had no right being a leader in a ministry, writing devotionals and trying to witness to people if I was a hypocrite and didn’t even follow my own teaching.  Jesus preached against people like that!  Again… I found myself walking out into the woods down by the creek and made another promise to remain even more pure with my eyes, and my body.  God has provided incredible strength and immunity to all of those temptations.

In the December 0f 2007 I received an email from one of my friends expressing a step he was taking in his faith journey and his desire to write a weekly email that encouraged his friends and maybe spurred on some spiritual conversations.  I really liked that idea and prayed about it.   My friend had asked me for some help with writing the emails because I had lead a devotional earlier that summer.   I’m not sure how long it was, but I decided that I was going to write a weekly email of my own.  The February of 2008 I sent out my first devotional email.  It was the start of a step-by-step journey into God’s arms.  So many things had built up to this moment: The bible stories, the verses, my passion to teach others about God, my desire for purity…. Even though I still wasn’t on the right path completely I was striving and getting there.  I wrote those devotional emails for 9 months until I got a website.  I then started posting my devotionals on there.  Up until this past summer spring I was writing pretty consistently.  There was so much that I had learned that I needed to express from my heart.

That same February I also met my good friend Ali Ballweg through her being my youth group leader.  I spent a 15 minutes after youth group one night in her living room waiting for my ride home and started a friendship that has changed my life.  I happened to be carrying a book that interested her a lot.  I lent it to her and through many conversations, questions and long emails I was able to share my passion for God’s personal design for each of us to love and serve Him.  That April she allowed God to have complete control over her life and changed a lot about the way she lived.  It was through Ali’s re-commitment to Christ that April that I began a new step of my own.  For my 16^th birthday she got me a journal and challenged me to start writing down my faith journey.  I had never done anything like that before and was a little hesitant, but on the 5^th of April I began writing what was to become more then just a record, but a huge source of wisdom and discovery in God’s word.  Over the next summer God challenged both of us in some big ways and continued to open up our eyes to new truths, areas of our lives that we needed to surrender to Him and peace that we could only get from Him.  Ali was a huge encouragement to me in all that and continues to be an inspiration to me through out so many things.  God has blessed me a lot with her friendship.

This past summer I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to go on a mission trip to Jamaica.  That trip changed my heart towards people who don’t know Christ.  I had seen pictures of starving people, I had even helped out in different mission houses to feed the poor over seas, but there is something about experiencing starvation up close that grips your heart.  I discovered a passion for kids that I knew I had, but I now don’t take for granted.   I came back changed and deeply impacted by the faith that I had witnessed on that trip.  It awoke in my heart a desire to quit living the easy life.  I have been blessed in almost everyway I could ask for, and even though I wasn’t going to give them all up, I knew that I needed to take a hold of the blessings and use them to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ.  I had been asking God to provide me with a strong group of Christian friends to encourage me in my walk.  Fall of 2009 when I started as a PSEO student at WSU I was invited to attend the Edge.  Since I have attended the Edge I have met so many people and developed some really amazing friendships with people that God has designed so uniquely.  It has been a blessing to serve and to learn there.

I don’t think that I’m some super Christian who has everything right and figured out.  I’m still a sinner and I struggle everyday against the scars that my previous sin has left, but I had found one truth that has changed my life.  God can heal anything.  There is nothing that God can’t change in us, and that is something I struggle to remember daily.  Anyone who has had their life changed by Christ is a new creation and has a story worth sharing.   I don’t need to have some world changing experience to share for my faith to be of value or worth.  The fact that I have Jesus in my heart is amazing in itself!  God has worked wonders in my life to bring me to the point I’m at right now.  I’m so excited for all that He has before me and how He will continue to convict me and discipline me so that I can shine for Him in all that I do.   I don’t think of myself as some amazing person who has overcome amazing obstacles, but I don’t need to be.  God has worked through every area of my life where sin once ruled and freed me.  I’m still learning and I don’t have all the answers, but God shows me grace and patience everyday in my longing to shine for Him.  If there is one thing that I want people to learn from my journey to Christ is this…  There is nothing that we can’t overcome with Christ on our side.  It may be overwhelming to face sin and to surrender your heart to God, but the grace and peace that fills your heart will instill within you a passion to do everything to follow God every second of every day.   God gives us strength at every point when we need it.  He has given me unreal strength, physically and spiritually, in countless situations.   I’ll wrap up my story with a verse that inspires me everyday to strive for more and not settle for less then what God can make me capable of doing.  I have heard many people say that “The sky is the limit”, but with Jesus in my heart, there is no limit with this Sky!  :)

“Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame.  The poor man called, and the Lord heard him; He saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” – Psalm 34:5-8